Saturday, 19 April 2008

“ARRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tim shrieked at the sight of me.

“Tim calm down, it’s only me” I pulled the mask back to reveal my face. “ACK! What the heck is the chainsaw for?” he screamed trying desperately to get away only managing to fall back against the cupboard. “Well how else am I supposed to get these chains off you?” I asked as I approached him with the chainsaw.

“Use something else” he pleaded, I rolled my eyes “fine I’ll use the flame-thingy!”
“Flame-thingy? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING?!?!” I dropped the ‘flame-thingy’ on to the floor and stared at Tim. “I might not know what I’m doing but I’m doing what I think is right!”

“I’d rather you not do anything at all” he began twisting from side to side only to fall head forward out of the cupboard then turning midair to land on his side. “Fine! FINE! Look I have an idea just…wait here, I’ll be back! Oh and close your eyes” I ordered Tim and ran down stairs, I knew exactly what I was going to use to get the chains off.

“Try moving your arms now, Tim!”

“How did you get the chains off?” Tim seemed really amazed, “I didn’t feel or hear a thing and I had all my limbs intact and unscathed”. “I used some of the samples of the Joker’s acid” I remarked with a grin. He stared at me, “I’m not sure whether to thank you for your ingenious idea and getting me out or just hit you for using acid that was strong enough to corrode metal chains in a matter of seconds without any safety gear on” Tim mumbled.

“So why did they put you in the closet anyway?”

Tim let out a long and angry sigh “because I told them that I was going to tell you about their eavesdropping on your conversations with Bab’s.”
“Really? Want to go do some butt-kicking then?” I say brightly picking up the flame-thingy and chainsaw, Tim shook his head slowly “no, I just want to go to my…” his words trailed off before he skulked to his room.

Oh great.

Looks like I’m going to have to have the ‘I know life gets tough’ talk.

Monday, 14 April 2008

“HELP ME NIGHTWING! I’M TRAPPED IN A CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!” Tim shouted over the communicator his voice filled with a mixture of annoyance and a murderous rage that only Bat-Kids can feel.

“Wait, are you telling me you’re actually….well it sure explains a lot and it also means I owe Hal twenty bucks” I answered with fascination.

“Wait! Wait! NO! I’m locked in a closet and I’m tied to a chair however I managed to free one arma but I can’t get the damn chains of because Kon melded them together!” Tim hissed in an overly condescending tone.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that makes sense!” I replied.

However what I originally thought of made a lot more sense than that.



“What where you talking about when you said that it explained a lot and you owed Hal twenty bucks?”

“Ummmmm, oh no! I can’t hear you Tim, I’m loosing you! I’ve got to hang up” I throw my communicator on to the floor before stepping on it repetitively. Well, that deals with that problem.

I turn to Vella who was sitting on her hovering green chair with a queasy look on her face "Vella, hopefully this conversation was both educational and useful but now I've got to go off to Gotham to help my brother come out of the closet!"

Tuesday, 8 April 2008

Good Teenagers, Take Your Colthes Off

"Well, what I have to say Vella is pretty simple but it will take time because it's pretty complicated" I explain, she frowns "um, Nightwing you're kinda contradicting yourself" Vella points out.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Its just that I'm worried somebody is gonna overhear this conversation...but that doesn't matter. What matter is that you develop a good understanding of sex" now I have to say that everything I said after 'you' made me sound like I was trying to sell cookies or something.

"You know I'm not a virgin and I know what sex is so you don-" I cut the green-haired teen off before she can finish her sentence off.

"No, that's not it. You see most things that teenagers get are from other not-so experienced teenagers. I mean if you were going to buy a TV would you get it from a store that specialises in TVs or the guy who also sells sushi from the back of his trunk? Teenagers are the guys who sell sushi from the back of their trunks" I can't help at grin at my anology.

I'm so smart.

"So what are you going to talk to me about?" she says this with a bit of fear.

This isn't going to be scary. You try getting sex ed in school which is nothing more than a washing-up liquid bottle and a hula hoop. Yes, Gotham education, the pride of the American education system.

"Firstly all the different kinds of sex, how they work and why people do them and how to do it. Because far to many times have I heard people say 'that doesn't work, it does nothing for me' and then I prove it does. Oh and of course the emotional side of relationships and sex and this is all Oracle approved" I say sticking my thumbs up in an attempt to break the awkwardness.

No matter how many times I do this it never becomes less awkward.

"Um, okay then..." she shifted uncomfortably in her hovering green hair.

"Okay now I'm gonna start with talking about......"