NIGHTWING

2008-04-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

“ARRRRGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Tim shrieked at the sight of me.

“Tim calm down, it’s only me” I pulled the mask back to reveal my face. “ACK! What the heck is the chainsaw for?” he screamed trying desperately to get away only managing to fall back against the cupboard. “Well how else am I supposed to get these chains off you?” I asked as I approached him with the chainsaw.

“Use something else” he pleaded, I rolled my eyes “fine I’ll use the flame-thingy!”
“Flame-thingy? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING?!?!” I dropped the ‘flame-thingy’ on to the floor and stared at Tim. “I might not know what I’m doing but I’m doing what I think is right!”

“I’d rather you not do anything at all” he began twisting from side to side only to fall head forward out of the cupboard then turning midair to land on his side. “Fine! FINE! Look I have an idea just…wait here, I’ll be back! Oh and close your eyes” I ordered Tim and ran down stairs, I knew exactly what I was going to use to get the chains off.

“Try moving your arms now, Tim!”

“How did you get the chains off?” Tim seemed really amazed, “I didn’t feel or hear a thing and I had all my limbs intact and unscathed”. “I used some of the samples of the Joker’s acid” I remarked with a grin. He stared at me, “I’m not sure whether to thank you for your ingenious idea and getting me out or just hit you for using acid that was strong enough to corrode metal chains in a matter of seconds without any safety gear on” Tim mumbled.

“So why did they put you in the closet anyway?”

Tim let out a long and angry sigh “because I told them that I was going to tell you about their eavesdropping on your conversations with Bab’s.”
“Really? Want to go do some butt-kicking then?” I say brightly picking up the flame-thingy and chainsaw, Tim shook his head slowly “no, I just want to go to my…” his words trailed off before he skulked to his room.

Oh great.

Looks like I’m going to have to have the ‘I know life gets tough’ talk.

2008-04-14T00:54:00.000-07:00

“HELP ME NIGHTWING! I’M TRAPPED IN A CLOSET!!!!!!!!!!” Tim shouted over the communicator his voice filled with a mixture of annoyance and a murderous rage that only Bat-Kids can feel.

“Wait, are you telling me you’re actually….well it sure explains a lot and it also means I owe Hal twenty bucks” I answered with fascination.

“Wait! Wait! NO! I’m locked in a closet and I’m tied to a chair however I managed to free one arma but I can’t get the damn chains of because Kon melded them together!” Tim hissed in an overly condescending tone.

“Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, that makes sense!” I replied.

However what I originally thought of made a lot more sense than that.

“Dick?”

“Yes?”

“What where you talking about when you said that it explained a lot and you owed Hal twenty bucks?”

“Ummmmm, oh no! I can’t hear you Tim, I’m loosing you! I’ve got to hang up” I throw my communicator on to the floor before stepping on it repetitively. Well, that deals with that problem.

I turn to Vella who was sitting on her hovering green chair with a queasy look on her face "Vella, hopefully this conversation was both educational and useful but now I've got to go off to Gotham to help my brother come out of the closet!"

Good Teenagers, Take Your Colthes Off

2008-04-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

"Well, what I have to say Vella is pretty simple but it will take time because it's pretty complicated" I explain, she frowns "um, Nightwing you're kinda contradicting yourself" Vella points out.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Its just that I'm worried somebody is gonna overhear this conversation...but that doesn't matter. What matter is that you develop a good understanding of sex" now I have to say that everything I said after 'you' made me sound like I was trying to sell cookies or something.

"You know I'm not a virgin and I know what sex is so you don-" I cut the green-haired teen off before she can finish her sentence off.

"No, that's not it. You see most things that teenagers get are from other not-so experienced teenagers. I mean if you were going to buy a TV would you get it from a store that specialises in TVs or the guy who also sells sushi from the back of his trunk? Teenagers are the guys who sell sushi from the back of their trunks" I can't help at grin at my anology.

I'm so smart.

"So what are you going to talk to me about?" she says this with a bit of fear.

This isn't going to be scary. You try getting sex ed in school which is nothing more than a washing-up liquid bottle and a hula hoop. Yes, Gotham education, the pride of the American education system.

"Firstly all the different kinds of sex, how they work and why people do them and how to do it. Because far to many times have I heard people say 'that doesn't work, it does nothing for me' and then I prove it does. Oh and of course the emotional side of relationships and sex and this is all Oracle approved" I say sticking my thumbs up in an attempt to break the awkwardness.

No matter how many times I do this it never becomes less awkward.

"Um, okay then..." she shifted uncomfortably in her hovering green hair.

"Okay now I'm gonna start with talking about......"

2008-03-29T15:52:00.000-07:00

I was flicking through Miss Martian's Titan-photobook and I found this.

I know there's a logical explanation for this.

But still...

2008-03-20T09:23:00.000-07:00

Batman tagged me ad these are the rules:

List seven random things about yourself that people may not know.Link the person who sent this to you, and leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.Post the rules on your blog.Tag 7 random people at the end of your post, linking their blog. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

So I suppose it tim

1: I did not lose my virginity when I was fourteen.
Contrary to popular belief that for some reason women who know me love to believe I did not lose my virginity at fourteen, I lost my virginity at seventeen.

2: The first supervillian to nearly kill me was Two-Face.
Y'see I was forced to choose between the life of an innocent person and Batman, I was nearly beaten to death by Two-Face untill Batman got free and stopped him.

3: My favourite member of the Batfamily is Cass.
Because she's the little sister I always wanted and I always wanted a little sister even when I was in the circus. I didn't want a little brother.

4: Bruce didn't immediately adopt me.
Nope. After years of being his ward, sidekick, understudy, partner, protoge and so on, Bruce finally adopted me as his son and heir (bite that Damien!)

5: I have slept with more women than Green Arrow and Hal Jordan.
The difference between me and them is that unlike Green Arrow I don't have affairs and unlike Hal all the women I've slept with are legal.

6: I got the name Boy Wonder because...
Well, it's all relates to facts 5 and 1.

7: I did attend college.
I went to Hudson college for one semester and then dropped out after they said I should due to lack of concentration. You know it's pretty hard

I tag:

Justice
Awww, you're so adorable!
Nick Fury
Smoking is bad for your lungs.
Heroslayer
I want to know why you're so crazy.
Deathstroke
GIVE US RAVAGER BACK! She got us free booze!
Raven
See Raven now I know its not your fault that Alfred's been giving you MY cookies but they're MINE!
Conner
I just feel like, you know, annoying someone.
Inertia
I feel like annoying someone (even more) but also the Flash keeps trying to get me to say who I find hotter Jessica Alba or Jessica Biel and I don't like either! So you're the only speedster I know that is worth taking this out on.

Oh! Inertia reminded me of something! I need to talk to Vella.

2008-03-16T03:00:00.000-07:00

I'm watching TV right now.

A gameshow to be exact.

And they have this question, well it's like hangman and the contestant(s) have to pick a letter till they either fill all the gaps or guess it.

And you know what? I'm stumped the question the contestant got is so hard.

HOLY _________, ___MAN

I just can't work it out!

Can you?

2008-03-10T10:52:00.000-07:00

Now I might only be 8 years old, but many a strange things have happened to me and those around me.

BUT THIS BEATS THEM ALL!

I was going through the kitchen cupboards hoping to find a quarter and go to the store and buy some comics when this magical woman appeared in front of me claiming her name was Zaderma!

"HOLY MAGICAL APPEARANCE! BATAMN!" I called out point a spatula at the woman who stared at me with a look of annoyance.

"Damnit! The spell was only supposed to last for a few weeks this is the last time I do anything for Ollie!" Zaderma stomped her foot down.
"OH MY GOD! Are you a magician? Can you make rabbits appear out of your hats? Can I have the rabbits that come out of your hat? I'll take mighty good care of em' Ma'am!" I begged tugging at the tails of her suit. Suddenly she put her hand over my mouth "okay Dick listen here! I don't have a lot of time to explain but you have to stop with the whole Dinah can't marry Ollie because he'll just screw around cause he's not good enough for her thing you have going on. The only reason I turned you in to an 8 year old is because Ollie asked that and I lot a game of Black Jack to him" she let go of my face and stared at me as if she expected me to say something.

"So can I have a rabbit Ms.Magician Lady?" she rolled her eyes "No! Now I want you to Og Kcab Ot Lamron Dna Eht Tsrif Gnith I Tnaw Ouy Ot Od Tahw Gniwthgn Dluow Od Dna ummm, Peels Dnuora" I just stood there as she finished her strange sentence.

What she said made no sense what so ever.

Maybe she wasn't a magical lady and just a pho-

UHIGWP;N JbyiOBv jhds,#l d'po#fabhljvrfkjte743jmbvsljbh
vwhdsj ;'[sgrtesjmkytgc...

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwww MY HEAD" I groan placing my hand on my head and forced myself up of the ground. What was I doing on the floor? That's the last time I ever lend Misfit a knock-out gas bomb.

Then suddenly a really strange thought entered my head.

Okay, it wasn't strange. Just a really strong thought.

Now I'm not going to say what it was just incase there are any kids reading this but let me just say I need to find Babs, then Star, then Huntress, then Mary Marvel (she's 19!) and then Blackhawk!

Wow, I have a busy night ahead of me!

Hopefully Bruce doesn't mind me missing night patrol.

2007-12-11T11:43:00.000-08:00

Apparently Bruce says that I’m not gonna get a rabbit called Frisky and even if I did he would not be a Bat-Rabbit, so now I’m sitting by myself in these clothes that belong to a really, really creepy kid called 'Damien' and they’re to small for me not only that but the boy keeps calling me circus boy.

I don’t know why he keeps calling me that.

I already know I was part of the circus and I’m a boy.

Maybe he was some sorta brain thingy problemo that means he needs to say thing all the time or he just instantly forgets them.

Anyway I was telling you that I was sitting by myself, well I’m sitting by myself eating yoghurt, so far I’ve eaten peach, strawberry and raspberry yoghurts. I like strawberry the most because it’s yummy, then peach and last is raspberry. But then this guy walks in and he I couldn’t see his face because he was wearing this red mask, he reminded me of my mom’s lipstick or a glazed cherry on a cake.

Better yet he looked like a big mean strawberry lollipop and he even had it cut out on his jacket maybe that was his secret name Big Mean Strawberry Lollipop. It’s kind of a silly name, but if he’s happy with it…

He didn’t pay much attention to me and was followed in by Damien who saw the look of confusion on my face “that one is the failure” he stated. “And you’re the unwanted one” replied the guy who’d know taken off his lollipop helmet. “And I’m confused” I moaned, “who are you people? I thought it was only me, Bruce, Alfred and Ace” Damien rolled his eyes and took one of my yoghurts. “Well Richard, my father gained some common sense and decided that I’d be a better replacement” Damien flicked his hair dramatically and then began using his hands to eat his yoghurt.

“Wait? Richard? HA!” the ‘failure’ began laughing at me, I felt my cheeks go red. Why was he laughing at me? That’s not very nice.

“Well I’m not a Big Mean Strawberry Lollipop!” I stuck my tongue out in victory.

“What are you talking about?”

“Look at your jacket” he took his jacket off and stared in horror and then he looked all angry. Like Bruce did that time I gave Ace chocolate and we had to take him to the Doggy Hospital, except Bruce didn’t chased me with a crowbar.

“AHHHHHHHHH! BRUCE HELP ME!"

Ground'd

2007-11-30T09:40:00.000-08:00

Now apparently even though I don't live with Bruce and I'm a LEGAL adult by law, he can still ground me.

Yep, that's right.

I didn't believe it either.

Apparently for my childish behvaiour I'm not just banned from watching TV, but also from using the phone and breathing.

Oh and thats not it, you see in the Wayne Household as a treat to Alfred all of us get together for the Christmas season and do the work he'd usually do so he can relax however I've been stapled with all the work (except for cooking, that's Tim's).

Now I've been doing the cleaning however, much to my annoyance Jason takes this time to annoy me, intentionally, as if he wasn't annoying enough without trying.

And Bruce why is he still here? It's like he's living with us!!!

So I decided that it's not like I couldn't get in to anymore trouble, so I wrote "BIG MEAN STRAWBERRY LOLIPOP" in to everything he owns (that's here in the Manor anyways). Since that's what he dresses up as, a Big Mean Strawberry Lollipop.

Then I came across his leather jacket.

Now, every ounce of common sense was telling me not to.

Not to try and write BIG MEAN STRAWBERRY LOLIPOP cause it wouldn't show on a leather jacket. So I just cut it out with a pair of siccors.

Speaking of Jason, that reminds me, I have to see Vella, I suggested we meet up half way between Gotham and West city, cause' since I'm grounded I don't think I'm allowed near the Batmobile (and it has no gas!).

So I'm here sitting on a rooftop and

UHIGWP;N JbyiOBv jhds,#l d'po#fabhljvrfkjte743jmbvsljbh vwhdsj ;'[sgrtesjmkytgc...

HOLY ON A ROOFTOP BATMAN!

2007-11-24T14:51:00.000-08:00

The fork.

A wonderful invention made by Sir Fork McForky Fork of Fork Land.

Probably.

The fork can be used for many things one of which (obviously) is to pick uo tasty food and bring it to your mouth.

The OTHER of which is...

*STAB*

"OOOW!!! GOD DAMNIT!!! THE PAAAIN!!! Wait, what's that liquid? Oh....my...God!!! IT'S MY BLOOD! MY LIFE BLOOD GUSHING FROM MY WOOOUND! ARRGH!"

How gratifying.

And for those who have yet to realise - I stabbed Tim with the fork. Now you're probably why I've been stabbing Tim with a fork.

One of the reasons is boredom...though the other reason is totally justified. Lucozade pills gave him unlimited suplies of energy. And he was practically bouncing off the walls, wait no, he WAS bouncing of his chair and exagerrating his non existantfork inflicted wounds.

Now I'd put large sums of effort in to pulling Tim out from under the tabel after he dived under it at the site of Steph. All I can say is whether your on drugs or not, that is not a way to charm a girl.

But I had to find some means of controlling Tim considering who was at this dinner, I mean if it was just me, Bruce and Tim I'd give Tim more lucozade pills just to see how much havoc he could wreak before collapsing. But not infront of Steph, I want those two to get together. Not infront of Damien and Jason I'm not giving them any ammo against Tim, he's the perfect Robin! There's also Gwen, now I'd think she'd be a bit freaked out, not just Gwen but Talia, Hunter' and Diana too. Vincent and Cass? I mean every time somebody says "why are you dating?" just say Tim set you up and you gain tons of validity but not if everyone thinks he's insane. In which case they'd just say "well he's insane!"

I stared at my plate pondering other means of handling Tim when my plate moved. I've seen strange things at a dinner table, but never this. Tim's pale hands tugged repeatedly at the beige table cloth, a tune being sung in time with the tugging. "Hit...me...baby...one...more...time!"

Oh. My. God.

This called for one thing, stabby time! Wait, I'm enjoying this way to much...oh well.

STAB!

Tim jolted violently causing the table to shake, he looked around, alarmed and confused "who's doing that" he whined.
"Who's doing what?" Bruce asked tiredly.
"Touching my thigh..."
An eerie silence consumed the room only to be (and thankfully) abrupted by Alfred who served us our drinks, why is it you never get your drinks when you're thirsty and never get your food when you're hungry? Strange.

Tim stared at his glass of water with a look that said I'm thinking before slowly turning to me and staring at me and I think between the rushing thoughts powered by caffine, somewhere, that bit of common sense that managed to survive the almight power of lucozade placed these things together. Pain on left thigh + Dick on left + Dick asked for second fork = I'm getting stabbed by Dick (too many sexual innuendos!!!). Hence why his now confused face was morphing in to a very threatening stare.

But the anger suddenly disappeared as if he'd remembered something he turned around and leaned over Damien, his face practically millimetres away from Jason's

"Did anybody tell you that you have really nice eyes" now I have nothing wrong with compliments, I doubt Jason does (though he'll never admit it) however compliments + Jason + invasion of personal space = your head in a bag. Because if there's anybody who's a huge fan of personal space it's Jason, he's such a fan he'll even beat your head in with a bo-staff for it.

"Hey everyone look at that painting" I pointed and as everyone turned round, I stabbed Tim with the fork and this time I really did right in his back. Tim did a perfect backflip and landed on his chair "ARGHHH! SCREW YOU!" he pointed accusingly at me.

"What's wrong?" asked Steph.
"That painting is, um, discriminating and controversial!" Tim proclaimed in an unsure voice.
"It's a white canvas with a black dot" stated Jason who was holding his butter knife in a threatening manner. "EXACTLY! It's saying black people are a minority!"
"They are a minority, Timothy" Diana said seemingly unphased by the insanity.
"Not in Africa!"
"We don't live in Africa, Tim, now sit down" Bruce asked, well, ordered.
"Well we should..."

Before anybody could say anymore we heard Alfred calling us to come and see the TV, I wsih he hadn't. Because I never really wanted to see my brother and sister have sex on the L.A. rooftops. NEVER. "I'm gonna put a kryptonite bullet in his brain!"

And you know what Jason, I'm gonna get my kryptonite crow bar.

2007-11-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had that feeling that happens when you've done something really bad and you end up replaying all your thoughts and emotions trying to think where you lost your common sense.

Well, I'm having one of those moments.

I'm thinking about the annoyance of not being told that Damien was here.
How irritated I was that Bruce still won't let us use the good china.
The anger I felt when Jason decided to delibrately piss me off by hitting Babs and when I tell Bruce (instead of punching Jason in the face) he says to deal with it.
So I then thought to myself hey, why don't I make this a REAL fmaily reunion, but I'd already invited Huntress after Bruce refused to let me us the good china so who else could I invite who was somehow related to our family.

And then it struck me, it was like I was struck by an angelic light and I suddenly felt that childish surge of joy. REVENGE WAS MINE.

So I invited her and then revelled some more in my childish joy but the more I revelled (great word isn't it?) the more I realised I was going to get my ass kicked.

So this is how I ended up thinking where my common sense went, why is common sense never there when you need it the most.

But before I could answer Tim kicked the door open, so hard it's now leaning in a really awkward way screaming "I WANT CANDY!!! DUH! BUM! DUN! BA-DAH!"

"Tim? What. The. Hell. Are. You. On?" I say as calmly as possible because quite clearly, Tim was not calm. "Yummy, yummy, yummy I got cough sweets in my tummy and I feel really, really good" Tim waved his arms around. I grabbed the cough sweets of him, turns out they're lucozade pills.

No wonder he's bursting with energy and throwing cereal in the air.

"Tim! STOP THROWING THE CEREAL! People are gonna eat that!" he dropped the cereal box on to the floor and stared at me for a minute, "well, Mr.I Went And Invited Talia Al Ghul To Dinner! I don't think eating cereal is going to be on the top of everyone's list" now what Tim said would've sounded threatening if he didn't sound like he'd just inhaled helium.

"How do you know?" I mean, Tim doesn't eavesdrop, Bruce does. But then again he's Batman so he can. "Because I pressed redial and thought I'd get Star's number instead I got Talia's, but don't worry I'm not gonna tell" I gave a sigh of a relief at this.

"But either way, you're going to get your ass kicked."

"Thanks Tim" I mumble.

Man, this sucks.

2007-11-07T04:54:00.000-08:00

"Master Grayson, you should not eat Halloween sweets for breakfast, it's not healthy" Alfred stared down at me and my pile of uneaten candy which had taken up most of the floor. I shrugged "Hah-o-leen, on-ii omes anct a year" I explain between a mouth of Halloween candy.
"Any who, Master Grayson, you should get prepared for our upcoming Thanksgiving dinner" with that comment Alfred walked of. Thanksgiving dinner?

This called for one thing.

I skipped in to the kitchen where I found Bruce eating breakfast and reading the Gotham Times.

"Bruuuuuccceeeeeeeee" I call out in the whiniest voice I can summon.
"What, Dick?"
"Can we use the good china this Thanksgiving?"

Now if your wondering why we don't use the good china or better yet why I've been made to keep a distance of exactly 2.5 metres away from the good china for the last 17 years. Well it has something to do with me testing the effects of gravity with the plates.

"No."
"But-"
"NO."

I glare at him, "fine, if we can't use the good China then....then" before I could think of a good threat and/or bribe somebody interuptted me.
"Or you could just listen to what father said, brother" I turned to see the spawn of Satan staring back at me.

"AHHHHH!" I grabbed Bruce's cereal bowl and threw it at the Spawn of Satan "REPENT! REPENT! For this the end, judgement day is upon us! REPENT while you have hope or you will perish!!!" I shout whilst point at the now covered in cheerios Spawn of Satan.

"Richard, get a hold of yourself" I glared at Bruce, I need to get a hold of myself? How else do you react to that thing! "WE ARE DEFINATELY USING THE GOOD CHINA! You couldn't even tell me that you were inviting that thing over here, why is he even here, he should be at that Aiglon boarding place in the Swiss Alps! Not here, in Gotham!!" Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Thanksgiving is a family event, so all members of the family should be here" now Bruce had this little smirk on his face that said one thing, OWN'D even Damien had that look on his face.

Family event?

Sure, I'll make THIS a family event.

2007-10-23T03:33:00.000-07:00

You know, I think there's something about Robins and hitting people on the head with batarangs. But don't worry, I didn't hit Tim to hard, only hard enough to knock him out.

"Was that really necessary?"
"Bruce, there's been a major breakout in the Arkham area and we're going down to save the day, like a normal family!" I ordered.

I dragged Tim up the stairs to the bathroom and dropped him in to the bathtub with an ungraceful thud. And turned the cold water on.

Suddenly he jumped up "SCREW YOU!" he screamed, quiet clearly cold and angry. In truth, I was scared.

Cold, angry and now murderous Tim was very scary, but I was the older brother here. Nature gave me the power. "You are going to get sober, ready and dressed to go out and kick ass!" I marched out of the bathroom and then ran to the safety of the kitchen.

I waited (with my weapon: a spatula) for Tim (and Bruce) and ate Bruce's cookies

"This breakout better be good!" Tim walked in, I stumbled up and threw the cookies in to the trash compactor. "Yep, loads of villians to take down. Penguin, Riddler, Joker, Harley, Ivy, Freeze and Scarecrow" I listed, Bruce came down.

"Okay, we're ready to go...I'm driving!" I shouted running to the batmobile, "last one there is a rotten pumpkin!" I got their first, then Tim and surprisingly last, was Bruce.
I think it has something to do with the fact he ignored me and just walked.

"Okay, just to iron out a few kinks, Tim stop drinking and everytime you feel like drinking talk to somebody and Bruce, you, should...uh...brood less." I tell them all whilst turning a corner in downtown Gotham. "Sure, I'll do that as long as you don't send me to rehab and Dick, we aren't anywhere near Arkham" Tim pointed out the window.

"I know Tim."

I parked the car and handed both Tim and Bruce a paper brown bag, then lead them to the first door on the street. "What's going on?" Bruce asked me, I ignored him (man, I was gonna get in trouble for ignoring him) and knocked on the door. A woman in her mid-40s opened the door and I stuck out my paper bag.

"HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" I greet with a grin.

"Oh my God, these costumes are amazing! Did you make these yourselves? My children would love this, Charlie! TAMMY! Look at the Trick-or-Treaters!" two kids ran down, one dressed as Spider-Man the other as a witch came down and stared in awe. The Spider-Man kid pointed at us "Mom, look it's Robin, Nightwing and Batman!"
The mom chuckled, "you know if I didn't know any better I'd think you were really those heroes" she then turned to her kids "now why don't you go get the trick-o-treaters some candy?"

I smiled, I loved candy.

"I got a chocolate skeleton."
"Really? I'll trade you that for a two plastic spiders, a zombie eye and a vampire trump card."
"Go to Hell, if you want the chocolate skeleton so bad then give me the Evil Gingerbread Man!"
"Screw you, get your own Evil Gingerbread Man!"

"Now, Nightwing didn't you have something to tell me?" Bruce cut in to me and Tim's argument, "well if you give me your jelly spider I might consider telling you" I bargained with a grin. "No, I got the jelly spider. Deal with it" I pouted at his refusal.

As you can guess, Bruce got the most treats, seems kids like Batman more (but then again all of my pictures of him Trick-o-Treating, yes, he joined in the fun, will teach him!).

"Spill it already!" moaned Tim between a mouthful of chocolate mints.

I took a deep breath.

"Me and Barbra are...ENGAGED!"

2007-10-21T04:24:00.000-07:00

As we hovered above the clouds Cass broke the eerie silence, "he called...me...mother" Stephanie turned to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "He was probably just messing with you

"Cass, the future is not a certainty, only the past is. You know, in the Titans future Bart's alive. I'm not disputing if he really is from the future, however don't expect him to be there when it becomes the present. You could easily have one daughter and it might not even be with Vincent" Nightwing explained slowly, Cass frowned.

"You, don't think...I'll...have...kids? Or...be...with...Vince?" she asked.

Rose decided to step in. "Cass, what he's saying is just don't get any ideas or expectations."

"I'm sure you'll have lovely children with Vincent. But future is never certain" I answer, Cass gave a long winded sigh in response to my comment, I turned to Tim for some response to see him drinking out of a tippy cup.

Wait.

A tippy cup?

"Tim, what are you doing?" I say slowly, "oh you mean the cup" he pointed at it and I nodded. "There are no more cups and I was thirsty" sure, that reply makes sense. But there are no tippy cups in the batplane because nobody would need it, not even the Satanic Brat as he's 6. Before I could inquire further in to the Tippy Cup Investigation, Steph finally snapped.

"You dated Wonder Girl?" her voice sounded as if she was on the brink of either crying or punching Tim. He nodded solemnly before drinking whatever in the hell was in that tippy cup.
"Why?" okay, Steph was on the brink of crying, she definately seemed more upset now than angry.

"Stephanie, both you and Conner were dead. Bart had left the Titans, Raven had gone to Russia, Starfire went of on her own little space adventure, Cyborg and Beast Boy both left to join Doom Patrol. I was left with absolutely nothing but an empty Tower and Cassandra. Two months in to this hollow shell, we'd already been through 6 members. That entire year, we'd say goodbye to 31 Titans and we only had each other to lean on. She was there during some of my...bad moments. But as much as I, wait, that's wrong. WE both enjoyed our time together but we don't love each other. She loved or loves Conner and I love..." before Tim could actually finish his sentence the Batplane computer interrupted.

"We've landed in West City, location...HQ of Team Legacy"

We all stood there staring at both Tim and Steph waiting for the inevitable.

At least, what we thought would be inevitable.

"Well guys, this is your stop" before we could even respond Steph and Cassandra were both knocked out of the plane on to the ground. "Bye guys" waved Rose with a grin as she ran to the control panel and pressed a load of buttons. No sooner had she knocked them on to the ground, we we're in Gotham.

I get the feeling Rose likes Tim.

And is jealous of Steph.

2007-10-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

Somebody.

Stole.

My.

COOKIES!

Grrrrrr.

DICK SMASH!

“Really, Richard. I don’t think I should have to search for any recent breakouts from Arkham"

“Yes you do! Think about it, honey. Somewhere out there there’s somebody crushing the dreams of innocent people everywhere!”

“Richard, they were cookies, they’re replaceable. How about I give you some change and you can go down town and get some more cookies? Huh?”

“No! Cause they’re not Alfred’s cookies? Why did mine hafta disappear” Barbra gave a disapproving sigh in response to my rant when the bat-computer suddenly started beeping and flashing.

“Looks like cookies will have to wait, seems that villain-mercenary meeting Batman has been tracking for the last couple of months has finally come together, in downtown Queens, NY” Barbra typed furiously, “you have about 1 hour to get there.”I stared at the computer screen “so who do you think is gonna be there?” I ask.

“Out of the mercs? Deadshot, Taskmaster, Merlyn…Deathstroke…”
I fasten my gloves on “that’s all I need to know.”

“You know you can’t go this alone? Right? Maybe you should take Tim with you, it might help for him to get his mind of Bart” I’m not entirely sure why Bab’s dropped her voice to a whisper considering Tim was standing right behind her. “Come on Tim lets go! We’ll get there quicker if we take the bat-plane and only you know how to fly it” I shout. Tim nodded faintly and made his way quietly and calmly towards the plane, “can I invite somebody? I think they’d be a lot of help” he mumbled at the control panel as the plane began to warm up.

“Sure Tim, but first, set the co-ordinates for West City. This is going to be a family outing!” I say with a grin which was greeted with silence.

This was going to be a family outing.

A happy one?

Well that’s debatable.

2007-10-08T09:46:00.001-07:00

I was walking through a strangely empty Watchtower. Where the hell was everyone? I'd just recieved an urgent S.O.S yet there was nobody here. I was about to teleport back to Bludhaven when suddenly I was dragged in to a dark room and pushed in to a chair which was infront of a light.

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" a voice asks me that sounds strangely like Ollie. "Yeah, sure. If you stop blaring that light in my face" the light was turned off and I squinted. "Hey guys! What are you all doing here?" now I've only ever seen this many super-heroes that time Bruce had that party promising free beer.

Most of these guys wearn't even League-rs...hey, wasn't Daredevil in prison?

"You know you guys should know better than to mess around with the JL signal. But now that I know there's nothing wrong I'll leave. I can leave right?" because the way they were staring at me and the fact that Johnny Storm had now welded the door suggested otherwise.

It was Hal Jordan who spoke first "Richard Robert Wayne Grayson, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!!!" he roared. "WHO SETS BATMAN UP WITH WONDER WOMAN?!?!?!?!?!" I try to hide inside my chair. I fail.

I knew I'd get some crap for this but I really didn't expect to be taken hostage "well, they're perfect for each other. I mean, he's a rich boy with issues. Lot's of issues and she's an Amazonian princess slash demi-goddess."

"Hey, I'm a rich boy with issues too!" bites Green Arrow.
"I'm a God!" proclaims Thor
"DOOM RULES HIS OWN COUNTRY"

"Well, that's grea-Hey! Why are there supervillians here?"

"Don't try and change the subject Dickie!" threatens Peter Parker.

"But, but, you have Mary-Jane, you have Dinah, you have Storm, you have Raven and you have Susan!" I argue pointing at various members of my captors.
"BUT THEY'RE NOT WONDER WOMAN" they shout back at me. I inch my chair slowly towards the door. Because, I was scared that any moment soon these guys were going to lynch me.

"What's going in there" somebody calls from outside, I take a deep breathe.
"THEY'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!" I shout when Superman pushes the door open followed by Batman, Ollie rolled his eyes at my comment.

"Well if you'd have set me up with Diana..." Ollie trails off as I feel my blood begin to boil.
"But you're with Dinah" I growl.
"But she's not Wonder Woman!"

I really, really, really didn't mean to hit Ollie over the head with a chair and I really didn't mean to hit him over the head with a chair more than once. But come on!

By the look that Bruce is giving me I'm in for a lecture.

2007-07-21T03:06:00.000-07:00

Man, I'm so happy I'm not that skrull.

Well, other than the reasons that they're ugly, freaky and have lame voices it's also the fact that I'd never want to be interogatted by Batman. Especially if the reason is missing heroes.

Bat's turns to me once he's finished with the skrull.

"They are trying to sow distrust among the superheroes that have defeated them over and over. While we are fighting each other. They come in, and take over. He gave me a list of those he knows are Skrulls. There are others" Bat's warns in a stern voice.

"So how do you know who to trust?" I ask. With all the people who've come back from the dead, returned from retirement, gone missing and been found and other things, it's a bit hard to tell who to trust especially with a bunch of homicidal shape-shifters running around.

"You could do as I do. Don't trust anyone." Batman awnsers. I roll my eyes "yeah that's just what I need." I've heard better ideas from the Flash during happy hour.

"Do as you want. I have to go back to the Cave." he heads towards the Batwing. "What about Gwen?" I shout out. "That will have to wait until later." he grumbles.

Absolutely fan-freaking-tastic.

The Outsiders could've been infiltrated by these freaks and I may've just indirectly put other people's lives in danger.

"Titans" I call out, Conner, Bart, Ravager, Miss Martian along with Robin (plus Gwen) and Cassandra emerge. I'm not sure why

"Where are Cyborg, Jericho and Zatara?" I ask, "missing" replied Ravager with a sly smile, look away Nightwing. LOOK AWAY! "Okay, Robin you take Gwen to Wayne Mansion and leave her with Alfred and Barbra and meet us at the Outsiders HQ" I command.

"Wait, wait! Hold up. Who died and made you team leader?" Conner asks as Cass rolls her eyes. "Since, Kon, our friends were kidnapped by a bunch of shape-changing reptillian humanoids who are trying to kill us all" hissed Cassandra. Bart sped under Miss Martian's cape in fear.

"Guy's this is no time to fight, Conner and Nightwing try to get along, Cass try not to punch anybody, Nightwing what do we do once we get to the base?" Robin asks.

"We're going to find out which Outsiders are skrulls and then..." I grin.

"And then go on an adventure where we save everybody!" screams Bart from beneath Miss Martian's cape.

"What Flash-lite said" I add.

Baby Bonanaza

2007-07-04T02:38:00.000-07:00

You know looking at Steph's child was both strange and frightening.

Why is it nobody never told me about this?

More specifically why didn't Tim?

Batman really trained him well if he managed to do an adoption and hide the fact she was pregnant from all of us at the Bat club and anyone else.

But, really, pregnancy.

Ew.

I mean sure you get special treatment for nine months, free stuff and cards that you eventually loose but really wants you've given birth to the little bugger, that special treatment, free stuff and cards really ain't gonna cover the price of that baby.

Apparently babies can cost over $180,000.

Now are children really worth that much.

Unless of course your child becomes as rich as Oprah, I think you got your due.

But, really.

You can buy a house with that much money.

And what's more important, a baby or a house?

I tthink you know the right awnser.

Roses are red

2007-06-25T12:10:00.001-07:00

Well me and Lin are over, turns out that me not turning up for a dinner is bad.

Well it is.

But if you have a choice between saving a city from dying from a highly corrosive gas that burns you from the inside out and dining in a French restaurant in that very city, well you'd go with saving the city. Because you can't eat whilst you're corroding (I assume).

But I tried to get somebody to cover for me, Batwoman, Batman, Oracle, Roy, X-23, even Alfred, but everyone was busy.

Ah well, at least I wasn't corroded from the inside out that would've eventually resulted in a painful death.

She maybe synthetic but she's all woman

2007-06-21T09:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe that's where me and Conner truly differ.

The way we see women.

Though Lin is synthetic, she's still female, she's still a sentinent person with feelings and deserves to have those feelings (and thoughts) respected, like you should with every woman. Conner however simply see's women as objects. Which would explain why slept with Knockout.

I mean come on, not even Green Arrow would touch that.

But even though Lin is synthetic, she's still a gorgeous woman and a red head!

Yes, I did go to dinner with Lin, though I enjoyed Lin far more than the dinner.

Sadly I had leave in a hurry, superhero-ing is a full time duty but that doesn't mean I didn't make a call to Lin or Gotham Florist either. Hopefully she likes sunflowers.

Well maybe I should tell you what else is going on? What do you mean you want to find out more about me and Lin? That's none of your buisness...

Well I helped Captain Koma defeat the Crow Queen, the mighty mistress of birds.
Seriously, Crow Queen is such a lame name. Couldn't she've tried to be a bit more imaginative.

Then I paid a visit to Robin and dragged him to see his ex-dead ex-girlfriend and now I'm in Titans Tower.

I think the hormones are suffocating me.

Hm.

I'll just jam things in the blender and see if it will blend.

Maybe the PS3....

Grab the kryptonite!

2007-06-02T04:12:00.000-07:00

They say Metropolis is like the day and Gotham is like the night, okay only Conner says that but most agree. New York city however, well that's a different story.

Best city in America.

I know you're thinking what about L.A? Well it's the most polluted city in the most polluted country on the planet. So think twice.

I'm not in Bludhaven, most of the city has been destroyed by the chemo plant 'mishap' caused by Deathstroke and since the Outsiders base is situated in New York it makes more sense for me to be here.

Not only that but I know if I'm in L.A. I'll naturally go in to a crazed rage, run towards Titans Tower and castrate Superboy with kryptonite. Sure loose your viriginity to anybody I don't give a crap but Cassandra's virginity is another thing. Now I know people assume I must've influenced her in some way but I taught her sex education right. We started of with everything scientific and we then went on to the emotional side. I also got Oracle to talk to her just so she'd have a girl's view on things.

Cass seems to be having a nice and stable relationship with that young boy (whatever his name is) so I'm all in support for that, he also doesn't seem to be pressuring her in anyway. Which was nice considering the horror stories I've heard from the girls down at Birds of Prey.
You know I think I'll send her boyfriend some kryptonite.

Screw that.

I'll send him ALOT of kryptonite.

But hell, I’d send kryptonite after I clean up the mess left by the Lin bot and X-23, suddenly a portal appears. I don’t know if I should run or stand my ground, the thing is with portals you don’t know if there’s an Easter Bunny of Doom or Playboy Mansion. “Nightwing!” somebody calls out from behind the portal, oh great…Easter Bunny of Doom. “I believe we have some unfinished business.” The voice continued.

"Last time I checked you were somekind of super villain." snapped Captain Boomerang. "Last time I checked you were too." replied Koma with a smirk. "What do you want to do?" I ask, after all it was somewhat hard to determine what pretences we were all under. "I have a friend to save and we both have a threat to subdue." answers Koma in a stern voice. "First things first Koma. I'll need Grace back." I began suddenly there was a strange noise, like a woy or voip.

"Hey! What the f?" complained Grace as she looked around with a bemused look on her face.. "So now I've proved myself are you coming to play hero. Or are Lin and I playing without you?" said Koma in a overtly casual tone.

I gesture for us to walk through the portal where we see who I assume was Captain Koma and one hot girl. "Where's 'ganta?"asked the girl who looked like a carbon copy of Lindsay Lohan, was she a clone or a bot? Nobody answered, I would’ve if I knew who ganta was.
He showed us where the “Crow Queen’s” place was supposed to be, really why’d you call yourself Crow Queen is beyond me. FEAR MY POWER FOR I CONTROL CROWS!

"Lin can you detect an unkown energy coming from the mountain?" asked Koma. "Of course I can. I detected it last time I was there. Its not dangerous to anyone so I didn't think it was important." I explained.The Cap covered his face in a manner that kinda irritated the Lin look-a-like. "What do you make of it Koma?" I asked The Cap."I think the Crow Queen isn't a deity at all. And I think we just found her power source." smiled Koma in triumph.

"So all we have to do is pull the plug." I add.

I love being me.

That's Hot

2007-04-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" he asked, I nodded solemnly as everybody remained silent. "Are you really sure Richard?" he prodded yet again as I made a swift move. There was a pause as we waited for any sudden movements. Nothing happened.

It seemed I could breath easy.
For now.

"Let's see what you've got, Oliver. Remember, this is a life or death stituation" I remind him with a smirk. Green Arrow carefully moved a piece of it as I felt my muscles tense then suddenly it collapsed.

"JENGA!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs as a bright light consumes the room, all the Outsiders turn to see a hot red head, some guy and Giganta (who I never called back).
But damn, that red head hottie was, well...HOT!

2007-04-11T11:09:00.000-07:00

“Bastard” somebody screamed as I waved Lady Blackhawk goodbye and jumped in to my boots. “Laura?” I call out as I step outside the bedroom and in to the living room, well what was left of it.

“What’s wrong did the fight end all ready?” I pulled Laura back by her shoulders. “The coward, forfeited!” she spun round and spat venomously.

“I didn’t even get to show what I learnt” she kicked a stool angrily, “Laura calm down, this is a good thing!” I shout. “How the fuck is it a good thing Wing?” she screamed at me.

“Firstly Ms.Kinney by him forfeiting it gives me more time to train you and an even higher chance of you winning this thing, secondly don’t you ever talk to me like that again and lastly I’d like you to join the Outsiders!” I say in a stern voice.

“Wait, what?” she stuttered, “darlin’ whattaya just say?” her face had an expression of shock. “Firstly Ms.Kinney…” she glared at me, “NO! Not that, the last part”.

“I’d like you to join the Outsiders” I repeat in a slow voice.

“Why?” was all I heard in reply to my statement. “Because Laura, believe it or not you’re talented, smart and anyone who get’s Grace’s approval definitely is an Outsider” her claws slowly sunk back in.

“So” she says with a smile, “I guess we better start trainin' for the tournament and this team”.

Play Hero, No. Playful Lady, yes.

2007-04-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

Kon had beaten Vincent and something told me he was going to be beaten by Cassandra. Either way it seemed that most of the superhero community had turned up here. Justice League, JSA, Teen Titans, The Outsiders, Birds of Prey a few X-Men and some super-villains.

“Hey, is it your birthday?” a gruff voice asked me, I turned round in confusement “huh? No.” I stare at this person (Vincent’s dad, was it Voeta?) as if he’s insane. He tosses a magazine at me, “here’s an early or late birthday present” I glance at the cover. Eww, Playhero.

I cancelled my subscription when they said that Giganta had the most attractive figure of all female villains. Yeah, if you’re in to a humanoid gorilla’s, I tossed it in to a trash can and return to see Zinda.

“Hey, Blackhawk” I greet as she pulls her hat down on top of her blonde locks and smiles at me. “Hi, uh, Nightwing do you want to go some place quiet” she leaned in and toyed with my hair “and private?” a seductive smile appeared on Zinda’s face. I glanced over at the giant billboard, there were 6 more rounds before Laura’s fight.

“There are few empty guest rooms nearby and I hired one out” I point in a vague direction. “Perfect!” Zinda clutched my arm and led me away, “oh and just one thing Zinda” I say, “what’s that Wing?” she asked looking back at me.

“Remember to lock the door”.

Let the Battl- Boudakai begin!

2007-04-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

“Looks like you’re up against your Kid Devil over there” I pointed at the giant billboard that displayed all the upcoming fights. “Yer, ya think I can win?” Laura asmed, “Laura why do you think I encouraged you in to entering this competition?” She shrugged, “great ability develops and reveals itself increasingly with every new assignment.”

I quote, “so you’re saying that you’re putting me in to this competition not to win but to make myself better” the voice was piqued with curiosity. I nodded “exactly Laura, because when I offered to train you it seemed clear to me that your goal was to make yourself better as a fighter and hopefully through that as a person at the same time. Through this competition I also want to remind you of that goal." Something shiny catches my eye and I see a bunch of cheerleaders doing the splits.

“Pervert” Laura exclaimed before breaking in to a fit of laughter, “don’t say that out loud because if Wolverine hears you calling me that I’ll leave this place ‘half’ a man” I remind her. “They’re like 16 year olds!” I look back, “actually the head cheerleader is a 19 year old and if I’m correct the legal age of consent in Japan is 18” she mocks a gasp. "Hey, I had to learn the laws of different nations."

"Why Bat-Kid?"

“Cause Gotham has a huge illegal sex trade going on it’s really sicken” I cut myself off as I realise where the conversation would go. A strange silence filled for a few minutes and I couldn’t help but “It doesn’t make any less of a person and anyone who claims that it does is only trying to make there self feel alive. Look it isn’t about what happens in life it’s about what you do with life and you’re doing something great. Better yet x-tremely astonishing” she punched my arm before I could laugh.

“Funny…Dick” she ran off with a smile, “do you see me smiling Laura, because it isn’t funny!” I shout at her. This tournament was going to be fun.

What's the problem with Laur-ia?

2007-04-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

“Hat, hat, hat” I mutter quickly under my breath as did a back flip over the couch. “Where did I put that damn hat?” I shout out as I kicked a cushion over the floor. First day back on the job as a police officer and I can’t find my hat. “Nice back flip” I turn round to see Laura standing in my doorway, “ever heard of knocking?” by the looks of my damaged door-lock she most certainly hadn’t.

“Yer a cop?” her amused voice asked dryly, “it’s a day job” it was a bit surprising to see her without Logan, either he see’s me as an alley for not liking that Hormone or somebody’s been lying. “Know any good moves?” Laura’s brown eyes study me, “a few” I say dryly. “Like what?” she asked taking a deep drag from her cigarette, “like firstly, no smoking in my house” I pull the cigarette out of her hand as she unsheathes her claws.

“Secondly don’t reveal what you’re capable of in reaction” Laura's hand relaxes and her claws slowly sink back in. “What do ya think of the Sayin?” Laura asked as I frowned at this question, “you mean the midget with an ego that make Doom seem modest?” I asked as she smirked. “Yer, him Bat-Kid” I rolled my eyes at her comment, “okay Wolvie clone” I counter as she glares at me and tosses her claws to the side in a threatening manner.

“Oh and another rule don’t waste times with threatening movements, it hints more to that your act on impulse and less so on skill” I explain hoping over the coffee table. “So, why do ya think I need training?” she rasped. “It seems to be not just me, but you since you came here. Let’s face it Laura you depend purely on your claws and your healing factor, which puts you in a lot of danger” she frowns and places her hand on her hips. “How so?”

“Simple, cause claws’n’healin ain’t always gon be enough, Laurie” I mock her voice, “cause one day you gon meet some freak who out powers ya and then there won’t be much ya can do- but if you got the moves then you can som’thin” she rolls her eyes. “Your point?” Laura asks pushing her hair out of her face, “my point is that with your abilities you need to be able to-" the girl cuts me off, “great power and responsibility, yeah I know” she sighs tiredly.

“Look, you have abilities but no skill, and for those special abilities to be even considered great power you need to have skills. Something you lack, and it’s going to be a long road to get there Laura, the road will be long enough to even call yourself a fighter- let alone a great fighter” she gives me a long hard stare and perches herself on the kitchen counter. “Could you teach me well enough to beat Cassandra?” she asks in a low voice, “which one?” I say jokingly, “Cain” she replies.

I pause, Cassandra was the best fighter but she’d never actually been challenged, which was strange. Her most vicious and powerful attacks had been when people these people were at there weakest, her father, Shiva, her “sister”. But even at there weakest these people were great. She did beat Ravager, but considering Rose was weakened by the kryptonite eye technically it should’ve gone to Rose, Slade well he probably beat her whilst testing her whilst she was under the serum, I came close to but sadly our fight was intervened by Alfred’s cookie-call. She still had her weaknesses and Laura could take advantage of those.

“Laura, that’s something entirely different, what you need to understand is assuming that I know you are at the skill and level to even consider training at that level is that I am not teaching you how to kill her. Beat her up in a regulated fight, yes, harm her in a situation that did not call for physical contact, no” I say sternly.

"You think I could beat her?” I smile as her eyes seem to light up, “I think you could probably beat her just by flailing those claws around, but don’t get any ideas. The reason why I requested to teach you is not so you can beat Cassandra but so you can be good enough to beat everyone- even yourself” I say.

“Myself?” she asks with a smile, I can’t believe this girls a clone of Logan! “With the amount of clones running around I wouldn’t be surprised if the situation called for it” she breaks in to a small laugh. “So can we start trainin today?” she questions, “sure but I have a hat to find, a patrol along the streets of Bludhaven and then sort out the training regime so you’ll have to keep yourself entertained whilst I’m at work” I glance at the time, still no hat.

"Hey, look I don’t want ta come between you and Cass through this trainin’ thing” I roll my eyes as I look under the sofa, “I don’t think me training you would bother Cass and hey, even she needs a challenge. But I’d prefer Ms.Kinney that we keep this between you and me and try to avoid showing off whatever I teach you” a sly smile appears, “assuming what ya teach me is any good Bat-Kid”.

I laugh, “okay, so we’ll begin your training tonight but until then what do ya intend to do?” she sits down on the sofa, “I hope ya have something good in the fridge”. “Yeah, but whatever you do don’t you go in my room and where is that HAT!” I shout as I feel something hit me on the back of the head. I turn and look at the floor, “it was under the sofa pillow” Laura said with a smirk. “Hey, I’m male therefore I have no common sense” I say before putting it on and running out the door.

At least I don't sleep with mySELF

2007-03-25T13:26:00.000-07:00

Now after boring Supergirl out and scaring Rachel away I find this.
Smart Conner, really smart.
Okay, you want to play it that way Conner, you over-charged hormone. Okay, I ask you Farm brat who was the last girl you slept with (yourself not included)? None. Me?

Starfire; well she was upset, I just happened to be there.
Black Canary; well the Question has been spending far to much time with Batwoman, she was upset and I helped her through that.
Power Girl; You were dead
Invisible Woman; Her husband was with pro-reg and we happened to meet in a cafe and her kid was at a friends house, all I can say is it's amazing what you can do with invisibility
Donna Troy; Well Roy was out of town, she was bored, I was bored.
Emma Frost: Uh, to be honest I don't really remembered why I slept with her. Isn't she a telepath?

That was in the last month, yes I realise that two of them are dating (one who's friend I am) and one was married but hey, it's not my fault.

Now you'll probably find some other way to try and get revenge, but do that and I'll tell Supes what happened to that batch of Kryptonite you were supposed to look after.

Have fun (with what ever inflatable friend you may have).

NO PLAN B?

2007-03-22T15:03:00.000-07:00

I stare at Kara silently at she curled her hair around her finger coyly, "hii, Kara...myy what a short skirt you have" she smiled at me. "All the better to tease you with" next thing Kara's stroking her leg and pouting. You know, I blame this all on Conner. If it had only been Clark there to influence her, she'd be supergirl by - well when there's danger and nun when in her spare time. Suddenly Kara whips out something from behind, "uhh, Kara why do you have handcuffs?" I move slowly to the door.

"All the better to-" before she could finish her sentence the doorbell rang, "Kara, umm, can you uh- oh fuck that!" I ran to the front door and opened it. "Hey, Rachel where you been!" I greet my partner (I work as a police officer, if you must know). "Hey, Richard what you on?" she asked in a scared voice, "NOTHING!" I drag her in by her hand.

"Hey Rach, Rachel, RaRa! If I can call you that" she remained frozen in the hallway as I babbled on, hopefully Supergirl would not step outside my room and have Rachel see here. Damnit why doesn't Batman give me a kryptonite ring?

"Yeah, RaRa! Why don't you sit down and Ill make you some coffee and we can have a loooong conversationg about how Superheroes do NOT abuse there powers or harass over heroes!" I shout in the direction of my room as I pushed her in to the kitchen.

"So what do you want to drink?"

Hopefully if my plan of boring Kara out of my bedroom works, I can get out of all this. If not, well any children that happen to appear are not coming in to my house!

Sweet Visit, Kansas-bama

2007-02-28T11:36:00.000-08:00

Location: Kansas: Some City: Some barn.

I parked my motorbike beside the chicken coop, delibrately scaring all the mother hens.

I saw a light turn on in the house and quickly ran to the front door and tapped lightly, I didn't want to get told off for scaring hens. Then I'd never hear the end of it. The door opened to reveal an elderly looking woman, who's pictures haunted me at every Thanksgiving when Clark would do his speech on how much he loves his family.

"Hello?" she asked squinting at me, "hi, I'm Dick Grayson, you wouldn't mind passing on a message for me to Kon-El?" she looked at me wearily when I said Kon-El, realisation dawning on her face that I was a hero not a villian.
"Yes Dearie".

I nodded and took a deep breath "please tell Conner that I will be sending those pictures of him in that cute little Flamebird outfit" Ms.Kent frowned in confusion.

"Yeah, yeah, he can threaten me with those pictures of me and Ravager but all he'll do is prove to the guys that he's desperate. Rose is pretty much the superhero bike, everyone has had a ride but him".

"Yeah I had a ride to but who could resist and how was I to know she was underage. She has so many problems I doubt she even know's her age. Sure he acts like he gets as many girls as he has hormones but the only love he's gotten is from a supervillianess who even slept with Wonder Man. The point I want to get across to Conner is - I didn't loose my virginity in a barn and my pick-up lines are better" Ms.Kent stood there staring at me without making a sound.

"Thanks, anyway. Oh, and say hi to Clark" I ran off and drove home.

I kick of my shoes the moment I get home and drop my jacket on the floor.

It had been a long flight back from Kansas to Gotham, well it had been a short flight it just felt long because the only film that was shown was Just My Luck and all the air stewardesses were frosty 65 year olds.

I entered my dark room and scrambled to find the light switch as I took of my shirt and dumped it on a chair, or a drawer- or something.

"Eureka!" I flicked the light switch and stumbeled over my Maxim magazines.

"You know it takes a real man to wear a domino mask, but it takes a real man to have a body like that" my head jolted up to see Kara.

Put The Kryptonite DOWN!

2007-02-26T12:37:00.000-08:00

"If I could escape, and re-create a place as my own world ! And I could be your favorite girl, forever, perfectly together...Tell me boy, now wouldn't that be sweet? Whohoe, whihoo, whohoe, whihoo, whohoe, whihoo, whohoe, whihoo!" I sang out loud before returning to humming the Sweet Escape.

Which reminded me, I should add Gwen Stefani to my list of women I should date, but before or after Jessica Biel?

I skidded across the ground causing my grappling hook to snap when I attempted to land in an alley way. "So much for my landing" I back flipped over a dustbin and scanned the road for any oncoming vehicles, and ran over to the lamp post.

Abandoned Warehouse Road.

Yes, there was a house called abandoned warehouse road, and no you cannot buy clothes with a 35% discount from here. If the Kryptonite was anywhere it was here, my perfectly trained instincts told me so as well as the krypto-sensor and a message I got from Batman.

I look around and see a warehouse illuminated a variety of colors, particularly green and last time I checked this road wasn't exactly a place for parties. I slip through a broken window and hid behind a stack of boxes. "Hmmm, I was thinking about 30 million? What? Maybe I'm trying to finance a movie, a movie about how you Black Mask aren't as legit as people think you are. I went to hell and back to get this Kryptonite? Lemme ask you this. Have you ever fought a guy with an electric cattle prod and light-weight adamantium armour? No. Have you fought several? No. $30 million is the asking price. Oh would you look at that, Deathstroke just offered $40 million. Call me tomorrow, I have something to sort out" he clicks of the phone and turned around.

His masked face being illuminated by the glow coming from the trunk of kryptonite, which I measured to be about 300 pounds worth. A smile seemed to be forming under his mask, "why isn't it Batsy ol'favourite" . I get up instantly and run towards him pushing the phone out of his hand and landing a solid blow on his back causing him to fall forward.

He whipped up and kicked me the in the gut taking the time to whip out a knife he slashes at me only skimming against the top of my costume allowing me to land a uppercut and wrench the dagger free from his hand.

I grab the two bo sticks of my back and he gets a gun.

"Looks like we got stalemate" I state as both of us remain in our positions.
"Really, looks to me like you have your goddamn stick up my larynx and I have a gun to your head, I'm willing to bet that my gun does more damage" damnit!!!
"What do you want?" I growl angrily, if I die I'd at least like to have a conversation.
"This shipment of Kryptonite was sent by Lex Luthor"
"Wait, wha-"
"And is being purchased by S.H.I.E.L.D"
"Shields? Do you mean Dungeons and Dra-"
"Lex Luthor is also selling various other equipment to S.H.I.E.L.D and S.W.O.R.D to get eno-"
"Sword? Im confused"
"Enough money to restart Lex Corp and set up his new presidency campaign" he paused staring at me, refusing to move the gun from my head.

"Meaning Dicky, that not only is your "side" of the superhero community under threat from the registration act because SHIELD and SWORD would've accumulated enough weapons to use against the heroes and successfully register them. Clinton and Obama, well Lex doesn't like competition especially when it's female and femminist or young and charasmatic".

Well I wasn't really under threat from the act, I have no powers but Power Girl does and one of those are large breasts. Those kind of powers do not deserve to be registered.

"Oh and Jessica Biel, she has nice thighs" Red Hood added as I suddenly feel all the wind knocked out of me as he kicks me in the chest causing me to clash against a wall as he run off.

"But Gwen Stefani has gorgeous legs, apparently smells nice, has hair that can be styled to look like you can touch the fabric of space of time anddd she has the best stomach for any 38 year old I've seen" I call out.

I rubbed my back as I limp towards the chest of kryptonite and find that it was simply just fitted in with loads of lights to give off the view that it was filled with it.

He'd delibrately led me here in order to tell me that.

This was serious.

I wonder if Halle Berry should rate lower than Gong Li, I mean lets face it Halle Berry has been named one of the most beautiful women several times but damnnit, Gong Li is hot.

HOLY BEAUTIFUL WOMEN!

America's Next Top Model!

If I run, I might be able to see who gets voted off.

101 Ways to Track Some Guy With 300 Pounds of Kryptonite

2007-02-20T11:10:00.000-08:00

Great.

I get to miss staying home eating Ms.Huang's Chicken and Prawn Chow Mein special and watching Americas Next Top(less) Model! And for what? To track some freak in a mask who for some reason has kryptonite.
Wait.

Why does this seem so familiar?

How exactly does somebody get 300 pounds of Kryptonite?
Why would anybody want 300 pounds of Kryptonite?
I mean lets face it, it only has one use which is "KILL SUPERMAN" other than that it's a useless rock. How would you get it to kill Superman anyway? I don't think Big Ol'Blue is dumb enough to fly right next to you if your there in your kryptonite powered suit claiming King of the Hill. The only person dumb enough is Kon-El.

You know maybe I should just go home get a chinese takeout and watch ANTM, that way I know when I wake up to see the lovely city that is Bludhaven I can pick up the paper and read "SUPERBOY IN COMA".

Maybe not.

But one can dream.

I see a figure up a head as the krypto-meter on my belt begins buzzing.
The radiation was growing stronger, but this person obviously wasn't the source of the Kryptonite. "Sorry, I thought you were someone else" I say to the stranger, "and who are you supposed to be?" the shadow turned around each curve being illuminated by the flickering lights coming from the crack houses.

I smile, "Nightwing...you" she cocked her head slightly in confusement, "Pantha of Drakulon". "What are you doing?" I had to ask, most people didn't come to Bludhaven for a night on the town. Unless they were a prostitute, bent cop, drug dealer, drug abuser or any other sort of criminal. "Besides keeping out for trouble? Thinking about my brother" I frown. "Well that's sad to hear Pantha we could've had a lot of fun together" I sank in to the shadows.

I had a job to do.

Track some guy with 300 pounds of Kryptonite, who hopefully has killed Kon-El by now.
Maybe America's Next Top Model will be on when I get back.

They're Young and They Avenge

2007-02-14T12:05:00.000-08:00

Martha Stewart
flick
Jessica Simpson Interview, with no breast shot
flick
24 Special on Superheroes by Wizard Magazine
FREEZE

Waitaminute!!!

What did the Young Avengers have that the Outsiders didn't?

Two gay guys?
We have two lesbians who are hot and if that fails, we could always use Robin.
A speedster???
Well...Owen can have short bursts of speed and we could always trick Bart in to joining the Avengers.

Now I know I should welcome these new heroes with welcome arms in to the community, but I mean come on! Just because you're minature versions of the Avengers doesn't make you great and it's also unfair. Generation X wasn't proclaimed to be a great super teen team, they were attacked and killed instead. Now I know how Xavier feels after Wolverine was declared greatest mutant by Wizard Magazine.
This is the last time I pay attention to anything Wizard related.

Whiney fanboys.